The Comfort of Ambiguity

Recently I've talked to more people about religion, God, Jesus and worldviews than I have in a long time. I've been enjoying the conversations very much, but something keeps happening. As the conversation shifts to their views on spiritual things, people start to talk about God in very free and liberal ways. "God is my father in the sky" or "I believe in god, the god of all religions." I then dialogue with them after asking them what they think when the Word of God says of Jesus, "I am the truth, the way and the life" or Jesus said of himself, "If you know me, you know my Father who sent me." We all desire to know God, to go deeper, but God has pre-ordained a way to himself....through Jesus.

My impulse to that is, isn't that quite narrow? Just Jesus? I mean what if you read the Bible, do good works, and just believe in God. Isn't that good enough? If we say yes, if we have taken upon ourselves the assumption of rulemakers. If we say yes, then we have basically said, "This seems good, SURELY God works this way."


When a 14 yr old boy approaches a girl with that classic note which reads, "Do you like me? Check one: Yes or No" he doesn't presume she likes him and throws away the note thinking "SURELY she must like me, because I'm a good guy who likes to play games and am fun" before he lay's a smacker on her lips. He would be a fool! Why? There is a certain way to her heart, abounding in sweet words, full of flowers, all along a path made of 78% Dark Chocolate. All of us men, who think to even start presuming new rules on our own in our pursuit of those wonderful beings God gave us, know it just can't be done (I will concede, there are a few who may enjoy less than traditional means to her heart...alas all analogies break down somewhere). So there is one way to God.

My question still stands, why are so many comfortable with just God, and not Jesus?

In brief I think its because Jesus is so specific!! He came, fulfilled a set of rules, gave new ones, and told people how to live, and how to find God. That's how it feels to unbelievers I think. They say, "How could a gracious god such as mine come down from heaven, and speak judgment upon all who don't beleive, that's harsh! That's not my god!"

So many rabit trails could be had at this juncture, but I want to hone in on one nature of the heart that might be the culprit in giving vent to this sort of attitude. The comfort of ambiguity (or maybe the desire of laziness).

This ambiguity is to describe anything that would otherwise be direct, clear, upfront or potentially offensive. People don't want a god that tells them they are inherently bad, and need something to save them, no they want friends as gods, who will "accept them as they are." Who wants to have a god that whispers in your ear, "you shouldn't be doing that." What we really want is a lawless god. It's his law that gets us, because from the moment we are born we live against it.

The ambiguity plays into it all, when the mind walks to the fringes and says "Maybe God wouldn't mind if I did this, but maybe he might." In the space between obedience and rebellion, there is blissful ambiguity, in which we just don't know for sure, or we have found some peaceful middle ground where accountability does not show its annoying face.

This is right where the devil wants us...arms length away from the reality that can change us forever, but far enough, seemingly, from evils grasps to not make us feel utterly evil. It is the sucess of the evil one to allow us to feel that we have done no wrong, and don't need saving.

Here, our best weapon is cold water! Yes, ice cold water, the kind that causes even the deepest sleeper to rise in a gasp. The cold water of reason that says we do wrong and are in need of Savior.

In this realm of ambiguity, we must be counter-cultural. We have to be that prophetic word that splits flesh and bone, straight to the soul. Jesus is the way, the truth and source of life eternal! This is the message, don't be afraid of it!!

"The power of God and the potency of prayer"

Today was just one of those days. You know what I'm talking about, they just mysteriously happen. Perhaps something to do with alignment of the planets or weather, but you just wake up grumpy, have a hearty breakfast but it does nothing for you. You go see your favorite people, the ones that usually make you smile and laugh, but you are unfilled. You finally have the rest of a day to spend with your loved one, and it just wasn't as fun as you thought it would be. Thoughts of just getting the day done with and over, and try to start new tomorrow morning are frequent. Perhaps the best way to describe it is, funk! I'm just in a funk...not funky. No sir, not feeling funky, just a funk has come over me. Don't try to pretend you don't know what I'm talking about...I think its human to go through this....

...but how you react to this, makes all the difference in the world!!

It would be my guess that others, like me, when they're in this "funk" start asking questions that are not fun, but if you haven't asked them before, are vital to your happiness. Questions like "what will I do today?", or "why did I chose this way of life?", or even "why am I alive, what's my purpose, am I to work a 9-5 job until I die or retire and lose my mind?" These times that we go through are vital, and how we go through them are even more so!

A great counselor, writer, and pastor named D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, once wrote regarding depression "the oxymoronic ability for a believer to be depressed, is their inability to preach to themselves, and their ability to live off their feelings" [paraphrased]. If our whole worldview is based on something as subjective as our feelings, our lives will amount to nothing more than a series of roller-coaster rides, and at that, may even have the ability to fall off our rails. Think about it, what are our feelings based on, or influenced by...things that surround us. Circumstance, health, weather, activities, and other peoples sentiments towards us. We can't control this, as much as we may try to.

I'll be honest!! I want to be happy! I want constant satisfying joy! I want to be known perfectly, I don't want my wife to have to guess as to what's going on with me (though she is VERY good at that...she must know me in some part I guess). I want to be able to shake myself out of every funk I find myself trapped in! When I compare what I can do, what I've done, to where I want to be....I find myself completely lacking in skill to get there. The fact of the matter is, I fail sometimes. So how do I get there. Let me tell you a story:

I went on a solo backpack trip in the Appalachian Mountains once and I forgot my headlamp. I went to the mountains a little nervous knowing there were bears, wolves, and creatures who could easily prey on my tender white flesh if they wanted to, especially being alone, but confident as to where I was going. When it came to evening time, and light was slowly fading, I found myself not too sure where I was, where my campground would be, or if the skies would stay clear for me (I didn't have a tent...I chose to be under the stars to sleep). If I had let my emotions take the best of me, some poor guy would have found me running through the forest and screaming for help like I had just met Saskwatch or something. But I had to preach to myself, coach myself into truth....I had to tell myself "If God is in control of everything right now, if he is not done with his plans for me, if he can shut the mouths of bears and wolves (like he did for Daniel in the lions den), THEN my God will look out for me."

So too today I have found myself altogether hard-pressed to find something with super-natural strength to bring me out of this funk. I found myself praying, praying to the one who always listens, who always knows my state of emotion before I tell him. I found my answer in a facebook post that basically encouraged me with a truth of God, and a caution against a lie from the devil. That's how it is isn't it! No matter how I FEEL, the truth of God stands firm, but the lies of the evil will try shake the foundation of that truth. Right now, as I write this, I am a son of God adopted to His family by His will, I am co-heirs with Christ not in this world but in the world to come as well, I have a Father who has provisioned every good thing for me before I could think of them.

The word says in Psalms "In my presence there is joy, in my right there is pleasure forevermore" I want that!! You know what, I can't find that in a calming cup of tea, a glass of wine, in comedy, in chocolate, in delightful friends, or even in my wife! I must press into my Fathers heart and delight in Him in order to find what I've been looking for all along! The place where joy and relationship with my maker perfectly mingles!!

I want to mention one more thing. There was one more instance when I was in a funk, it was ruining Emily and I's day, she didn't know how to handle me, I didn't know what I myself was going through. Something sudden happened, and the next instant a weight was lifted off my heart. I felt new, and wonderfully suprised! My immediate next thought for some reason was...."somebody prayed for me." I turned to Emily and said, "Emily did you just pray for me?" She calmly looked at me, smiled and nodded. We both then just marveled at how God's Spirit works between us! God impressed Emily to pray for me, and BOOM like that, it was effectual. Ladies, don't forget to pray for your husbands, and husbands likewise your wives. Prayer is probably one of the most effectual disciplines and is probably the one thing we do the least. God bless you all....and good night!

"Are you glaring at me?" DeVille saga, pt.1

I love challenges, and I guess that's why I've set out on this blogging adventure. A while ago, I was doing one of those personal temperament profile test things, and I took the test and found the essay that "explained" my temperaments and attitudes to be fairly accurate. It said, I rise to challenges, that I am not satisfied with the ho-hum of life, and when others may desist, I persist! I guess that may explain the reason why I'm doing this. I love puzzles, and this lady I work with is totally baffling everyone. Before I get any further I must provide some backdrop.

Meet my curious cubicle neighbor, Miss Cruella DeVille (code name for the blog...its therapeutic for me to call her that, c'mon), about 33 years of age, single, African-American, dreads, modestly dressed with nothing extreme and actually wears an abnormal number of full length skirts down to the ankles (I notice because such conservative dress is abnormal in this "exposed" society...and you may be thinking "Wow Luke, no wonder you're having drama, you yourself are staulking her and the clothes in her closet"...I also mention this because I believe this to be significant...not sure how currently). She started working for the Mobile Devices department of the SunTimes Newspaper at Merchandise Mart. Her first day was about a month ago, and she was friendly, saying hi to all who came by her desk, and for the first week we had friendly conversations back and forth...mostly light conversation. Her wit had a delightful jovial spirit at the center with soft sarcasm around the edges. Not offensive, nothing crazy, just witful joking around.

This is where the mystery begins, where Dr. Jekyl under the light of the moon mysteriously changes form and turns into...well its not that hideous of a situation, but its super intriguing. Somewhere right after her first week, she began to be frank and terse, almost to the extent that the DeVille I knew no longer existed, and it was as if night turned to day, as if in fit of rage, she like Jake in "Twilight", began to morph into a giant wolf creature...not really but you get the picture...it was sudden.

Soon, attempts at making small talk brought responses, like "Luke, actually I'm going to get back to work now, if you don't mind" preceded by a long annoyed stare. I can respect a womans desire to make it as successful and work hard, and push through lunches for the sake of productivity. We all make sacrifices sometimes.

So for a about a week I didn't bother her, I let her be. She became increasingly somber, and her interactions with people grew shorter and more frank. But at about week two of her time there, I looked over my cubicle to see if my co-worker Jim was sitting at his desktop, when a stern annoyed voice spoke to me, "Luke are you GAZING at me? Are you looking at me? Do you NEED anything?" As my guess that the look of someone in awe and the look of "caught-with-your-hand-in-the-cookie-jar" are quite similar, she thought she caught me, but really I was like...."whaaaaaaa?" I said, "excuse me?", she seemed pissed at this point. "Do not gaze at me...do you need anything?" Again, I'm like "whaaaaa?" So I say, "No....no I was looking for Jim...over there" as I pointed in his direction. She just lowered her head with a scowl.

I returned to my normal position facing my computer, which is opposite of her desk.

What does a good mannered gentlemen do, who doesn't want to get slapped with false sexual harrassement charges, but wants to honor the common woman in the workplace? "Leave her alone," was the advice I received from many respected woman including my wife (baby I love you, you give the best advice in the world). So I did, much against my "fix-it" tendency I have...I made it may life-goal NOT to make eye contact, and for the last two weeks, I succeeded....only in my own perspective I guess, because today I was caught "glaring" at her, while emptying my loose leaf tea into the trash.

This is where my gears of puzzle solving start to make an annoying screaching sound as my gears are running so fast they're running out of the oil of previous learned experience...this is something entirely new and befuddling!! In fact, I have no gear for this...I'm spinning free, no teeth to catch on the wheel of the next gear. So I'm not even looking at her, but apparently I was "glaring" at her this time. In fact as I was looking at the trash can, she started talking to me, and as I raised my head, I found she was already staring at me. This was our conversation:

DeVille: "Do you need anything? Stop glaring at me Luke!"

Me: "What are you talking about?"

DeVille: "If you want anything, just use my name, don't glare at me."

Me: "Deville, I don't want anything....I wasn't glaring at you I was emptying my tea....."

DeVille: "JUST....don't glare at me....use my name. That's all I ask."

Me: "I wasn't glaring at you, I was....*insert sigh*....this in your head DeVille, its all in your head"

DeVille: "Whatever, don't glare at me, that's all I ask."

Me: "This is a game in your head DeVille, I went out of my way to NOT look at you for the past two weeks DeVille....this is one big game all in your head."

DeVille: "Don't stare at me."

Then....it was over. I turned back to my seat, trembling with adrenaline through my body! I successfully don't know what to do. She's crazy!!

The current fix on the situation is to put a bulletin board between our cubicles, so she can't see me "glaring" at her, while I face the opposite direction and work on my computer. All this is not so en-angering anymore, just super duper uber perplexing! I'm working with someone as mysterious as mystery itself on a foggy evening in London, and its causing me to want to figure her out.

And now on a serious note:

I've been praying for her, I don't know if she's going through something with her family, a death, or is just emotionally despondent right now, who knows but my Father in heaven.

I'll keep writing as long as interesting things keep happening! This is so fun....and therapeutic!